Mom Life Conundrums

10:21 AM


When dressing children (read: octopuses), it generally takes 40 days and 40 nights to wrestle all the fingers through the arm hole. Additionally, the task of getting the proper appendages into the correct targets usually takes multiple attempts due to the tendency of clothing to take on a life of its own upon use. 

Desitin spreads like wildfire. One tiny swipe can and will coat the entire house and baby. 

Don't worry. The moment you start feeling like hot stuff, they're only a snotty nose, blowout, bum wipe, public outburst, or wardrobe malfunction away to knock you back down a few notches. 

The airplane spoon tactic is effective for approximately 2 meals. 

Cleaning the house is a relative term. At this point, it's more like prevention of complete and utter chaos. 

Toys are cool, but boxes and kitchen utinsels are better. 

Babies like to keep you guessing. Put them down and they pitch a fit. Pick them up and they slap you in the face. Good luck. 

Nothing can prepare you for the sheer volume of laundry these tiny people can produce. Tip for the wise: don't even try to fold it while they're awake. It's not worth the anxiety attack. 

It's a law of physics: if you're about to leave the house, someone will poop. 

If you want to eat your food, they want to eat your food. If you want them to eat their food, they assume you've discovered the latest in tactical warfare. 

Watching them sleep and getting them out of bed in the morning are the best refreshers that exist. Plus a cute little bum pinch here and there. Give me all the slobbery kisses and arms around my neck from these little guys. 

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