The Human Playground Mentality

10:35 AM

Otto Boy's romper is by Finn and Emma and I LOVE it! I believe that clothing should maximize the ability to play!

There's a specific mindset a mother of young children must embrace early on in the journey. No longer do you live a life with personal space or boundaries. You are your children's. They. Own. You. 

Everywhere I go, I'm side stepping a toddler with an uncanny ability to slip with stealth and lightning speed into the exact spot that inirtia is carrying me. The second I enter a door frame, his head is there awaiting the inevitable hip check. Speed and agility are key. Who knew that the hot lava game would prove to be such a practical skill in my adult life? 5 points if you can keep from stepping on the children!

When sitting- and even more so laying down-, one must always assume this is an open invitation to be climbed on. Parents are far more vulnerable, and therefore enticing, in a supine position. I've learned its best to keep my abdominal muscles slightly flexed while lying on the ground to preserve the integrity of my vital organs.   

In close second is the human fireman pole. Standing is prime position to be climbed, pulled on, tugged at, drummed on, etc. Said position is amplified when the child in question wants something. You're standing in the kitchen making dinner, you better believe they will be weaving through your feet and hanging off your pants asking for goodness knows what. 

Have you ever tried shaving your legs in a square stand up shower while a small child is hanging off your legs and jiggling your bum? I realize that not all people are as talented as me, but with practice, I believe you, too, could master the art of showering with a toddler. 

When nursing a baby, you are an open target to both the baby and the toddler. The baby will yank any and every hair he can get a hold of, claw/smack your chest and chin, and grab your lips. And let us all pray that those little teeth don't clamp down. Meanwhile, the toddler will condition you to defy all odds and keep the baby latched throughout any situation, including but not limited to loud noises, running children, and a myriad of natural disasters. Milo's favorite drills include launching us out of the rocking chair, climbing behind my back if I'm on the floor, using my legs as a tunnel, and yelling HI OTTO to ensure a peaceful nursing session. 

Most of the time I have a baby on my hip, because "mother" is also code for "human bouncer". 9 times out of 10 my hair finds itself pulled up because those tiny hands are always, always hunting for something to pull on. Meanwhile, Milo the Monkey demands for me to fly him to bed and spin him on a regular basis. It turns out that being a mother to boys is an excellent workout.  

It's a glamorous life, but someone's gotta do it. 

You Might Also Like