Season of Change

11:57 AM


Something in me is changing, and it's been a long time coming. This change has emerged and then hidden itself away time and time again over the last decade of my life, and even more so since becoming a wife, and more yet since becoming a mother. 

There's this thing about girls, this image. Perfect messy hair that took 5 seconds or maybe an hour and nobody will ever know which. Gluten free, sugar free, vegan eating only. Or baking chocolate chip cookies 2x a week unapologetically. The perfect grocery shopping outfit of adorable workout clothes. The pressure to be naturally beautiful in one swipe of mascara and a total knockout in full makeup with bombshell extensions. Pinterest worthy birthday parties. Or maybe a birthday party in the park because you're a cool simple mom like that. A clean house, or maybe a messy house that lost the battle to Netflix. And the constant craving of acceptance for any and all of these things. 

We're all trying to create this image of ourselves that is muddled in polar opposites. I have desired to do/be all of the things above. My heart is in a constant battle between caring too much about things that don't matter and spending enough time and energy on the things that do. But when it boils down to it, I'm just Danielle. Some days I feel pretty. Some days I don't. Some days I am pumped to tidy up. Some days I leave the tornado alone. Sometimes I'm fun and exciting. Sometimes I'm exhausted and cranky.

Maybe you're single, maybe you're married, maybe you have kids, maybe you don't, maybe you work, maybe you're a stay at home mom. You may be fat, you may be skinny, you may have a rock solid marriage or a secretly crumbling one. Maybe you struggle with depression or anxiety. Maybe you're in the best health of your life. You might feel completely inadequate or you might feel like the world should be so lucky to be graced by your presence. You may be crafty, you may break the sewing machine just by looking at it. And guess how many people can judge you for any of those things? Nobody. That's how many. None.

Here's the other thing I know about girls. We can't help but care what others think of us, and yet we're unceasingly capable of seeing the good in others and cutting our lady friends some slack. We're also really good at comparing our inadequacies to everyone else's talents. So here's my thing:

The people who really care about what I do all day: Trevor, Milo, and Otto. Because I do life with them. They ARE my life. The number on the scale doesn't matter. I'm healthy and eating right and exercising and I'm caring for myself and my family. The current state of my apartment at any given time doesn't matter. It matters that we feel peaceful and at home here, and that's about it. Nobody cares what I do for my kids birthday. Go all out or go to the park. Either one is great and your kid will love you for it. Nobody cares what I wear to the grocery store. People are just trying to get some groceries, not looking for outfit inspiration from the mom trying to get her 2 year old to sit and nursing her child in the carrier. 

So I guess what I'm saying in a very jumbled way is that my soul is working on becoming more introspective and less concerned about what effect my mundane actions have on others. Because let's be honest- that energy is much better spent serving my family and others, recognizing their needs, and making a difference in people's lives that actually means something. 

I want to live my life present. I want people to know that I'm always here for them, that I have plenty of problems and struggles and good days and bad. I'm real and I'm ready to lend a non judgemental ear at any given time. And we are all going through this life of beautiful things and hard things and at the end of the day, even though our lives are so different, the human experience as a whole is remarkably relatable across the board. 

So be happy. Even if you're sad, because people are really good I think. And loving. And nobody is better or worse than you, we're all just people. Children of God. Which of course makes us all pretty great. 

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