Days Like This

6:52 PM

Motherhood is wearing your heart on the outside in the form of tiny bodies. It's a million exposed nerves soaking in feelings and experiences that you feel vicariously through them and also through yourself. And some days the love and emotion of the experience causes an ache so fierce it's almost palpable. 

Today that ache came from so many places. The pleading, tearful prayer for naps to happen after a sleepless night. The constant holding and rocking and bouncing of a baby having a rough day, or to be honest, more than just one day. The guilt that the sweet tiny baby takes your attention and time away from your big boy so often and it feels unfair. The rare moment that you get to cuddle with the older one because the little one is actually sleeping, and you play with his hair and whisper in his ear because in all your weepy mom glory, you're overwhelmed with that raw love you feel for that sweet boy. The pride you feel when everyone tells you what beautiful eyes your baby has, and you tell them he gets them from his daddy. The way he smiles with his whole body. The realization that 3 is just around the corner, and it's almost time for the next size of baby clothes. The endless requests for tickle monster and horsey and airplane. Messes, diapers, baths, in and out of car seats, tantrums, kissing ouchies- all of it. 

It's all so beautiful and so big. And some days, like today, it's too big to quite wrap my head around when all of it hits at once like a waterfall, pounding on my emotions from a million different directions. 

And so you breathe. And you cry. And you hold them tight and remember that the days are long but the years are fast in this motherhood life. I feel more broken down and simultaneously built up every day of my life with these boys. They are the best parts of me. 

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