The Less Sexy Side of Pregnancy

8:56 AM

Let me set the record straight on this one beforehand. I love being pregnant a lot. Despite all the discomforts, growing babies is my favorite thing I've ever done and I know I'll miss it immediately again (I'm already getting a little sad that there's only 10 weeks left- what is this craziness!?). So without further adieu, I bring you one of the most TMI posts of all time. 

I'm pretty sure I'm actually giving birth to an octopus. There's no way it's just 2 arms and 2 legs doing all this kicking and wiggling and jolting. Right? Right?? Anyways, my octopus baby is making sleep difficult to come by. Hi, black eyes! Glad you're here. May as well get used to you because pregnancy/nursing do not a good night's sleep make. 

My tots are starting to leak leche. Milo, if you could refrain from crying for the next couple months that would be GREAT. 

I have vericose veins. Not in my legs. In my lady area. Hence the no running and as little walking as possible lifestyle I've adopted over the last 2 months because if I'm on my feet much at all, it feels like they will explode. So I'm gradually kissing my strong running legs goodbye for a time. I'll be back for you, muscles. 

The waddle. Hubba hubba. And strut. And strut. And turn. And CONTRACTION!

The gas. Oh my gosh the gas. Constant. It literally never ends. My water broke with Milo because I was trying to position myself in such a way that I could actually fart. Which is nearly impossible with a baby (or octopus) on all your internal organs. 

I eat weird nasty stuff all the time. The other night I had peaches with A-1 sauce. It was delicious. 

Everything makes me sick. Everything gives me heartburn. Rice crispies? Prepare for the fire breathing throat dragon. 

Everywhere I go, my trusty pointy belly button (which popped at about 5 minutes pregnant?) is sure to lead the way. Thanks for keeping us north little champ. 

There are a lot of really attractive and slightly dramatic sound effects that accompany my movements. What can I say. Standing up and sitting down and waddling around become a little laborious when you're lugging around a big baby on the inside. 

Emotions and feelings all around! Sometimes I cry because something is touching and sweet. Sometimes I cry and get super cranky and defensive about basically anything anyone (ok Trevor) says to me. Sorry babe. Love you! And you love me too right? Right? Tell me why! (Because we all know how lovable I am right now? Er...) Cue more bratty Danielle.

So there you have it. Some people glow when they are pregnant, and I am not really one of them. But you know what!? I still love it! I LOVE being pregnant despite the misery! What is that all about anyway?! And let's say signs of a good marriage include when your husband still likes you even when you're ... This. ;)

You Might Also Like

0 comments