Real Things I Say to My Two Year Old

2:20 PM

Reasoning with a 2 year old is proving to be special. We have lots of conversations in which, when I realize what words are actually coming out of my mouth, the thought "is this my real life?" comes to mind.

Milo, please keep your pants on.

Milo, please don't fling your cottage cheese.

Milo, only on paper. Milo ONLY ON PAPER!

Milo, how is it possible to run that fast when you're that short?

Milo, please stop pinching the skin on top of my foot.

Milo, when you throw something and say uh-oh, it's not an uh-oh.

You asked for milk and I gave it to you, and now you're asking for milk. I'm not sure what my next move is here.

Milo, please stop smashing your food and throwing it on the ground.
Please eat the eggs AND the ketchup. Ketchup isn't for fingers it's for food.

Milo, please leave your shoes on (I swear I put his shoes back on his little feet like 15x a day).

Milo, 20 minutes of wakeup whining is all you get. And actually let's make that like 3. Time to move on.

Milo, I'm really glad you're learning your words so well. I'm 5% less glad that your first sentence is "I want that" because you literally want everything now. Convenient for you. Intense for me.

Milo, please just look at the chicken, don't touch him (stray chicken at showing. I don't know.)

Milo, please be more specific about whether you are about to smack me in the face or give me hugs. All this ambiguity is stressful.
Milo, carts are for sitting on your bum. Please for the love will you sit on your bum and be distracted by one of the 50 different snacks I offer you.
I'm sorry but we can't have candy for dinner.

When it's time for night night and you just had (read: refused and threw) your dinner, you can't ask to eat first. You're getting a little too good at stalling and we both know that trying dinner again will result in the same outcome as last time.

Milo, doesn't it hurt to do butt busters on the floor? Whatever. If that's your thing I guess.

Milo, the vacuum is nice!
Milo, water is for drinking, not for dumping on the floor and splashing.
Love this wild little thing of mine. And I also love that he still take naps because sleep when the baby toddler sleeps. ;)

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