Love Languages

12:44 PM

Trevor and I are the busiest we have ever been in our entire marriage. We basically only see each other in passing and the only hanging out/dating we do is when we are both dead asleep at the end of the day. Our relationship is definitely not high in nurture and time together right now, which is fine for a while because that's our crazy life right now, but of course we need to still keep the love alive!

I'll admit it- I'm not huge on many self help types of books. Maybe I should be, but a lot of the time I have a hard time buying into the theories. However, I've had a lot of people mention the 5 love languages and that idea makes intrinsic sense to me. After 5 and a half years of marriage, Trevor and I finally sat down and took the quiz and you'd think that such basic, clear, obvious results would have been something that we just knew about ourselves and each other by now, but the light this information has shed on our marriage as been so good for us! Yes, sometimes it takes just about being hit over the head with something very clear, but that's how lots of things in life go when you're busy and crazy and comfortable, so I'll take it however it comes.

The basic ideas behind knowing your love languages that stuck out to me the most:

- When you know your love language, you realize how often you try to show your love through your own love language rather than maybe the one that would be best for them.

- By knowing your partner's love language, you are able to communicate your love in a way that they will understand it (rather than the way that may come most naturally to you that they may not understand or receive as well).

- It doesn't take much effort to try to develop the ability to "speak" in your partner's love language- little things go a long way, it just takes a tiny bit of thought!
My number 1 love language was words of affirmation. I need to hear, in words, that I'm loved and that I'm doing a good job and that I'm appreciated. Ironically, that was lowest on Trevor's list. Not only does he not probably care about all the cheerleading I give him all the time as much as I thought he did, but thinking to say those encouraging things to me doesn't come as naturally to him. At the same time, any negative or critical words (even if he didn't necessarily mean them negatively) stick with me a lot more than he likely intends them.

Trevor's number 1 was physical touch, which was my number 4. This was interesting for a few reasons. I was surprised that it was so low for me. I love cuddle time just as much as the next girl, but apparently I need to hear that he loves me (and my number 2 was acts of service- so a little help cleaning up clearly goes a little further with me ;). Also, it's not always ultra-intimate... just cuddling up to him for a minute when I walk in the door can speak volumes. This also taught me that when Trevor grabs my butt randomly in the kitchen, maybe he's actually trying to tell me something instead of be obnoxious!? Who knew?!

It's been really eye opening what a huge difference a few little things can make. Trevor is killing it in the words of affirmation department, and all it's taken is a couple of text messages this week ("the kitchen looks great" and "I love you babe"... I was on cloud 9!) as well as a few extra words when we're together, and not only is he totally doing it right, but it means a ton that I can tell he's trying. I'm being more cuddly, sitting still with him, being close... it doesn't mean we're getting busy all day every day, and you'd be amazed what a little hand holding can do. Just having it on our radars and making a tiny bit more effort is waking us up so much as a couple and helping us both feel the love even though we are the most busy we've ever been in life, and it's just what we were needing. We are more on the same page and it was such a simple realization.
I highly, highly suggest taking the quiz and finding out about your love language and your husband's (or even your family, friends, or other loved ones). The trick now will be continuing to grow our ability to speak each other's language more naturally. You've already got the love, you just need to figure out the best way to show it!

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  1. WOW this was so eye opening to me! I know my husbands love language(touch) but always try to push mine on him (words of affirmation and service) (we match!! HA) which then makes me feel like he doesn't appreciate me when I do those things and he doesn't express gratitude or love to me, but I realized its because he doesn't "speak that language." So I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to be better at expressing love to him through his love language instead of my own. I needed to hear that because I'm also realizing that after having a baby it is harder making time for each other and feeling connected. I think this will help a ton. Thanks for sharing! :)