16 Weeks + Pregnancy in Real Life

2:19 PM

Constant permanent disaster behind me.
Real life: when you're sick and pregnant and:
- You're stuck behind a truck full of cows
- The house you're showing smells like maple syrup
- Your husband says the words "Indian food"
- Someone posts a picture of baby food
- You have to eat anyway
- Your toddler is yelling at you

Other thoughts I've had the past 4 months:
- There is such thing as "pregnant face". I'm really not mad. I'm completely thrilled. This is just my face right now and it's the best I have to offer.
- I feel like a 30% shadow version of myself. Thankfully now we're up to about 55%, but for a while there, things got very dicey.
- If I never see another sweet potato again it will be too soon.
- I can't stop crying. Happy tears. Sad tears. Tired tears. All of them.
- I wish I could poke a hole in my stomach and let out all the air.
- I literally cannot move.
Basically, being pregnant is the most intense thing I've ever done, regardless of the fact that I cry tears of joy all. the. time. because I'm so thrilled to have this little person on the way. I thought it was hard last time and I was right. And doing pregnancy the way I do it, hyperemesis gravidarum style, is even harder. And doing pregnancy hyperemesis gravidarum style with a toddler is even harder. This time it's been really emotional. I've had a lot of mom guilt feeling like I'm failing Milo and not being a fun mom for him. We've watched Cars way too many times and had a whole lot of pajama days. We've spent a lot of time on the couch and a lot of time with him watching me puke. And we have experienced a new thing- frustration with each other. I'm sure it partially comes with the territory of being 2, but my ability to cope with whining and yelling and other such things has been quite a bit lower lately, and I'm amazed at how well he's grown up in the past few months. It's like he knew it was time to become a little more independent and a tiny bit lower maintenance, and he's growing into it. 
While I puke, he plays with makeup. Or water in the bathtub. So many desperate moments.
Realities of pregnancy with a toddler included, I've never ever ever been happier. We can't wait for this babe. I'll do this pregnancy thing as many times as I get to. At 16 weeks:

- I'm starting to lift out of the first trimester fog. It's glorious. My brain is back and I'm awake and alive! 

- Still sick and nauseous, but not expecting that to go away. If it does it will be a pleasant surprise!

- Feeling kicks all the time! Still magical.

- I didn't have a gender preference with Milo, but this time around, I secretly do. I'm afraid to say it but it's boy. Reason being: I have a boy. I love having a boy. I want to do the same thing all over again. Trevor tells me not to feel bad that I am hoping one way, because the second I find out, I'll be completely over the moon either way. And I know he's right.

- Craving so much salty, nothing sweet. But I mean. If you've got cookies, it's not like I'm gonna say no.

- Still running every day. 5 miles is getting long, but I'll hang in there as long as I can because I know it will only get harder!

- Showing, and I think a bit faster this time! Doesn't hurt my feelings. It's nice to be able to let it all kinda pop out and have a legitimate reason!

- Sore boobs + rowdy toddler boy = scary

- Feeling like this pregnancy is flying compared to last time. My theory: last time I put all my nurture into my unborn baby the whole time. This time, Milo is keeping me very busy in that department while we wait to love on this little one together. It's even more special knowing I get to experience it all with my tiny boy!
I LOVE you baby! You're worth every bit of the sickness and hard things. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I definitely have 24 weeks worth left in me no problem.

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