On Being A Lady

8:27 AM

I believe in being a lady and loving it. I'm going to come out and say it: I am not a feminist. At least not in the common sense of the word. I love being a woman and letting my femininity shine. I love my role as a wife, mom, and homemaker. I like dressing up and getting pretty. I like my legs shaved, staying fit, and if nothing else, throwing on a quick swipe of mascara and blush before I leave the house. And it's not because I feel the world has put me in a box of cleaning the house and looking pretty.

I've never felt like I was being oppressed. I'm smart and educated, and I'm capable. I know I could be successful in business if I wanted to, but my mind doesn't operate that way. I believe in stretching myself out of my comfort zone, but I've tried with business, and it was a terrible, awful fit. I thrive on the life of a wife, mother, caretaker, nurturer, comforter. Yet, sometimes I get sideways looks for being a stay at home mom. People like to think I'm not living up to my full potential when I use my time taking care of my family and keeping our apartment operating at a gentle hum. The life of a full time mom has a stereotype of being weak or lazy. But to me, this is what life is all about.

I believe in gender roles. I think a majority of men do better working at a 9-5. Their brains are able to leave home and focus on work and not worry about what's happening at home all day. What would that even be like? Whenever I'm away from home, I'm wondering if Milo is eating and sleeping ok, or if Trevor is needing anything, or thinking about the billion things I need to get done. I can leave for a meeting, but the whole time, most of my head is at home.

In this phase of life, I am a stay at home mom and I also work. It's not possible for me to not bring in some income, and it's taken a lot of effort to find something that will allow me to stay with Milo while making money. The fact that this is a huge blessing is not lost on me. I thank God every day that I get to be with my boys and caring for our simple little life while still making ends meet. And when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I answer that I want to be a mom. They smile and laugh with that "oh, that's sweet" kind of look in their eyes, and I want so badly for them to step inside of my mind and see that this really is my life dream.

I like dating my husband, keeping the spark in our marriage, adventuring with Milo, and trying to keep everything fresh in life overall. Some weeks I live off of naps, and some nights I crash into bed like it was sucking me in. Sometimes I get pounding headaches from the whining, and my back and arms are sore from the carrying. Often (always) I vacuum just to have cereal ground into the carpet an hour later. Some days I stay in sweatpants from morning until night, and I skip the hair and makeup. But hear me when I say that I don't feel frumpy. It's so worth the effort as a woman to take care of myself, shower, sleep enough, exercise, eat right, etc. so I can have the confidence and self esteem boost that comes with being clean and healthy. It's worth it to keep the house tidy and livable and the laundry done so that we can feel peaceful here as a family. Not because Trevor comes home expecting a home cooked meal and a sexy wife... we all know that happens less often than it does :).

I love my role. I love being a woman in every sense of the word. I know that every woman is different, and I'm surely not trying to blanket statement our roles. I know and respect so many women who work full time and mother full time and juggle it all, but I know my personal strengths and boundaries, and in order to keep my sanity and peace, I stick inside of my element. And my natural strengths, I suppose, are in keeping with the stereotype of a stay at home mommy. And I guess what I'm saying is that I love, love, love it.

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  1. I'm so glad I found you! This is exactly how I feel. Being a wife and mom is so wonderful, thank you for this!

  2. I just found your blog, but this post is a little disappointing (or, at least, mostly just the start is). Being a feminist has nothing to do with your job or whether or not you shave your legs. A feminist is just someone who supports equality, i.e. believing that females have the same rights as males. If you think that a woman deserves the same pay for doing the same job (just as well) as a man, then you're a feminist. There are lots of homemakers and mothers who are feminists, the point is really that you just get a choice in the matter. If you choose to be a homemaker, that's your business, and you should be proud. There's not really a reason to not be a feminist too (if you like being a female and being able to vote, really, you're a feminist anyway).