Somewhere Over the Rainbow3:10 PM
Today I had one of those super frustrating days where I find out I'm still not pregnant yet again. Last month wasn't too bad. This time for whatever reason, I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry and be left alone and fall asleep so I didn't have to deal with it pretty much all day (can you tell I'm a pro at handling my emotions maturely?). I can always tell when I'm upset about something when I need to run it out outside and I know the treadmill just won't cut it, so today I rolled out in the early morning, ran up and down the streets of my apartment complex, kept swallowing the knot in my throat, and let the sprinkling rain mix in with the rain coming out of my eyes. I got as many endorphins pumping as I possibly could, because I knew that would help the most out of all my options. And I saw a rainbow, and I felt a little better and a little less alone.
Today I'm letting myself hurt, because sometimes you just need to let yourself feel. Or take a 2 hour nap so you can take a complete break from feeling. It's striking me pretty hard this time, and I just need to regroup. I came home from work early and kissed my babe as many times as humanly possible. He's beautiful. He's everything. I really can't get enough of him, and I'm so, so lucky I got him. I'm also pretty sure that the most awesome thing I could give him in life is a sibling, and therein lies the pain of today.